I am writing to you as a 25-year-old adult with some words of wisdom. I myself am a Muslim American. I was raised in America by my Muslim parents, with my mother being a white-Texan Muslim-convert woman, and my father a Pakistani-native man.
As Muslims, we are a group of misunderstood people with a bad reputation from the media, mainly the Western media. Muslims are all over the world and we continue to grow, despite the negativity that is being spread about us.
I am sure you have heard the story of the 14-year-old boy, Ahmed Mohamed, who got into trouble for building a clock and brought it to school. He was falsely accused of making a bomb, when in truth, he was an innocent amateur genius, who wanted to impress his teachers. Has anything like this in the slightest ever happen to you…? I hope it has not. I pray, in fact, that nothing like this happens to you, ever. However, many want us to be locked away. I am not just talking about Muslim adults. I am talking about the children and teenagers. There are people out there who do not want us going to school with their kids, fearing that you will use the education that you have learned to build bombs and convert their children.
When I was 15, I (along with a handful of East Asian-descent boys and girls and Latino boys) was falsely accused for burning down the auto-mechanic trade school at my high school. The security office was full of brown students. The security officers even assumed the Indian boys were Muslim. As I sat in that dark office with my fellow innocent peers, I said to the two shaking and crying hijabi girls: “There is no way you two would be capable of doing something this crazy.” I also said “Wow, they can’t lock all of us brown people in here.” They would have needed the football field to hold us all for questioning, considering I went to a crazy diverse school. Turned out the real culprit was a white teenager with a history of pyromania.
My younger Muslim brothers and sisters, I have faced discrimination at an early age of my youth and I want to believe that things have become better for you since I was your age. When 9/11 happened, I was only a couple weeks into 6th grade, middle school, the time where first crushes happen and cliques begin to form but to be abandoned by high school. Middle school is already scary and I started it with 9/11. At that time, I was 12-years-old when my father told me that I had to wear the hijab. I did not understand his logic at the time. I felt like my father was throwing me in the deep end with the sharks. He was. But for good reason! He believed that a good kid like me, wearing the hijab, would be proof enough for the kids and teachers at school to see that a nice girl is nothing like those people they were seeing on the news. He was normalizing the sight of a Muslim being in America. My father had the right idea. The more we are seen the less fear and confusion people will have of us. Sounds like this would work, right? The plan worked for a short distance, at the time, because much of the nation did not want to learn about us. I saw this clearly when a group of boys found me after school, blamed me and my parents for 9/11, ripped off my hijab and continued to hurt me. Throughout middle school and into high school, I was made fun of for wearing the hijab, my religion, and my skin color.
After enduring years of bullying, I have grown into a strange mix of insecurity, pride, anger, and wisdom. So I am here to tell the younger Muslim generation the things I wish someone my current age told me when I was your age. I did some of the dirty work for you after all these years without even knowing it. So, here we go.
You might be reduced down to a single nationality, because you are brown. Even though you may be from Pakistan, Bangladesh, Spain, Morocco, or Iran (etc.), you might get called Arab. In defense, simply say, “I am not Arab, I am (insert nationality). But there is nothing wrong with being Arab. Didn’t you know they discovered the study of astronomy?” As much as a nerd you may sound, it's better to be known as a nerd rather than a terrorist. Remember kids, nerds make the big bucks.
If you are being called a terrorist, shut that down. But stay cool. Do not lose your cool, kids. I didn’t stay cool once, and I got into trouble. Instead, reply with “I am the least likely to be a terrorist. I am in school, have friends who love me, and I am happy. Terrorists are bad people who are not educated, loved, nor happy. We have nothing to do with each other.” This is actually the time to drop knowledge on how terrorism is not just affiliating itself with Islam, but how there is terrorism in other countries that are related to drug-crime, gay witch hunts, and sex trafficking, all of which you have nothing to do with. Drop that knowledge.
Don’t ever keep the bullying a secret. Tell a teacher, a counselor, your parents, older sibling, or relative, that someone said or did that hurt you. In Ahmed’s case, a teacher was the bully. If the bully is an adult, find another adult you trust. Chances are, the adult you trust will know what to do.
If a friend says they cannot be friends with you anymore because their parents said so, either continue to be friends with them to prove that there is nothing wrong, or leave them be. Say you hope that they can make their own decisions in the near future, and then make some new friend that accepts you and wants to learn about you.
If you are being falsely accused for an unfortunate event that occurred at your school, be aware of who else is being accused. Most of the time, it truly is about race. If you are being lumped in with other students that happen to be Muslim as well, or are just brown, try to be brave and speak up about it. Do not let yourself become a victim to the blanket of racial discrimination.
If you aren’t already, it is safe and smart to learn to become politically defensive. As Muslims, we have to be. Whatever country you are in, learn your rights! We have to be able to protect ourselves with and from the legal system that can either be with or against us. In high school, I learned how to argue and debate properly because I knew my future would need protecting. For the middle school Muslim kids, learn your country’s history. Be well versed in what your country has fought for and currently stands for. Your voice is a part of it. High school teens, build strong bonds with your friends who will come to your aid if you ever need it. Participate in Debate Club, so when you do come across someone who is attacking your home country or parents home country, and/or religion, you know how to remain dignified while taking them down with your intelligent and honest tactics. There is nothing more satisfying than remaining standing with knowing you taught your opponent and audience something new that they did not know about Islam, civil rights, and whatever nation you are in.
To my Muslim American kids, research what the organization CAIR has provided, if you are ever in trouble or just need to know what rights you have as an American.
Stay cool and smart, younger Muslims. This world is going to get better because kids like you are going the extra mile to prove that we are not what is being shown on the t.v.
It all comes down to education. It really does. Nobel Peace Prize winner Malala Yousafazi said on Jon Stewart’s The Daily Show, “If you hit a Talib with your shoe, then there would be no difference between you and the Talib. You must not treat others with cruelty and that much harshly, you must fight others but through peace and through dialogue and through education.”
Do not fight back those bullies with fists, fight back with dialogue and knowledge that you learned yourself.
Keep Reading... Show less
FAQs
Why you should not get too comfortable? ›
Being complacent is coercion. Meaning that when you are comfortable, you stay in it because you want to. But in complacency, you stay where you are because you have to. Complacency is a denial of change whilst comfort is an acceptance to change.
What happens when you get too comfortable? ›Being too comfortable means you are not advancing or developing. The feeling of progress is necessary for true happiness for many people. Being comfortable in a relationship can lead us into disliking the person we have become and that doesn't spell relationship success.
Why you should never be complacent? ›If you become complacent, you'll miss important updates and considerations that you should pay attention to. You'll be bringing out old stuff when everyone is bringing out the new, their best. Complacency also kills skill. To remain the best at what you do, or even to keep improving, you need to work at it.
Is it OK to be comfortable rather than in love? ›"A healthy relationship will allow both partners to thrive, learn and grow — both separately and together." If you're in love with your partner, then you'll never feel limited or held back from trying new things. However, if you're merely comfortable, then chances are you'll settle for routine over new opportunities.
What is a word for being too comfortable? ›2 at ease, at home, contented, gratified, happy, relaxed, serene.
How do you fix a relationship that is too comfortable? ›- Never lose communication. ...
- Do not neglect yourself. ...
- Show your gratitude. ...
- Do not cancel your plans. ...
- Respect each other's privacy. ...
- Your sex life is very important. ...
- Don't be so critical.
It allows you to gain self-confidence.
Therefore, as you push out of you comfort zone and test yourself, you will see how mastering certain skills will increase your confidence. A positive sense of self-efficacy is associated with positive thoughts and aspirations, less stress and anxiety.
Speak up about your feelings
“We often forget that the basis of a healthy relationship is good communication. If your partner has become more comfortable than you are comfortable with, simply talk to them about it and ask that they make the changes.”
Having a strong sense of self is an area of life where comfort is a good thing because being comfortable with who you are and what you stand for is key to making good decisions about where you go in life and work.
Is complacent the same as lazy? ›Being complacent is similar to being lazy. Often when we get upset with our current situation, but refuse to work to improve, we are being complacent. A complacent person never works to reach their potential because they feel that it is pointless.
What is the difference between comfortable and complacent? ›
Complacency in the work place is defined as being self satisfied and unaware of actual dangers and deficiencies. Comfortable can be defined as enjoying contentment and security.
Is complacent positive or negative? ›Nowadays, "complacent" is seen as such a negative word.
Do I love him or am I just attached? ›Love evokes fond feelings and actions toward the other person, particularly. Attachment is driven by how you feel about yourself with the degree of permanence and safety someone gives you, based on your past relationships.
Do I love him or am I just lonely? ›Another way to determine your true feelings is to get some space from the person and spend your time doing other things like hanging out with friends, pursuing your hobbies, or volunteering. If you don't find yourself missing the person when you're busy with these other things, then you may have just been a bit lonely.
Do I love him or am I settling? ›Do you prefer spending time with family, friends, or people other than your partner but still won't give up on your relationship? If you feel this way, you could be settling. On the other hand, if you don't have a sense of happiness and feel nothing when you are around him, it is a sign you are settling.
What makes you comfortable the most? ›Being comfortable with yourself means not comparing yourself to others, and feeling OK with whatever choices you make in life. It can mean accepting how you look, being cool with how much you weigh, having good self-esteem, liking where you're at in life... the list goes on.
How do you describe a comfortable person? ›Some common synonyms of comfortable are cozy, easy, restful, and snug. While all these words mean "enjoying or providing a position of contentment and security," comfortable applies to anything that encourages serenity, well-being, or complacency as well as physical ease.
What do you call a person you feel safe with? ›If you have a confidante, you're lucky. She is a friend you can confide in, someone you trust with your private thoughts, and who you're sure can keep a secret. If your trusted friend is male, you call him your confidant. In fact, you could call a male or a female "secret keeper" your confidant (without the "e").
How do you know you fall out of love? ›Besides no longer getting excited to spend time together, you may find yourself flat-out avoiding your partner. You may stay late at work, see movies or eat dinner by yourself, or even take the long way home to avoid being with your partner for a moment longer than you have to.
What is the difference between comfortable and happy? ›Being happy in a relationship is when you feel satisfied. Being comfortable is when you feel empty or numb.
Do guys get comfortable in relationships? ›
Relationships change over time and they do tend to get more comfortable. This can be a good thing, or it can be a sign that the relationship is stale. It takes a certain amount of work to maintain a connection and to keep things interesting.
Is it good to go outside of your comfort zone? ›Sure, stepping out of your comfort zone can be uncomfortable, but going for it can give you a boost in the mental-health department. “The ability to cope with the stress and discomfort of life's challenges protects against a variety of mental-health symptoms, including depression and anxiety,” says Dr. Clark.
Is comfort zone good or bad? ›Britten says that our comfort zone is where we go to recharge in an ever-changing world. "It's our place of reprieve, where we can conserve our energy and not have to figure anything out," she says. "People often don't honor the comfort zones they've created; they think it's wrong or bad to need one. It's not!
What does getting too comfortable in a relationship mean? ›No matter how long you have been together, you don't want to forget about making your partner feel loved or appreciated. "Getting too comfortable can mean forgetting the importance of making your partner feel attractive and special," says psychotherapist Elayne Savage, PhD over email.
How do I make him worry about losing me? ›- Let Him Know That You Are Prepared To Walk Away. Save. ...
- Do Not Let Him Take Away Your Efforts In Vain. Easier said than done! ...
- Prioritize Yourself. ...
- Remind Him That He Is Not Your Only Option. ...
- Make Yourself Busy. ...
- Go For A New Look. ...
- Take A Break From Replying. ...
- Do Not Try To Please Him.
Boredom and comfort elicit very different feelings in a relationship. While boredom leads to general anxiety and dissatisfaction, comfort is usually accompanied by a sense of calm, if uneventful, relaxation. If you're comfortable in your relationship, you feel at ease around your partner.
Why do humans like to be cozy? ›A feeling of warmth, safety, and contentment. A feeling of comfort. It's the antithesis to hustle culture and the glorification of being busy. With a focus on low stress and staying in, cosy culture is all about slowing down.
Do we need comfort? ›We all have a need for comfort, that warm feeling of contentment as we snuggle down and forget the cares that stress us. Basic comforts include warmth, shelter and food. Social comforts include company, physical contact and sympathy.
What does it mean to be comfortable in life? ›In addition to describing things that feel good, like shoes that don't hurt your feet, comfortable can mean "feeling free from stress or worry." If you are comfortable around people, you can be yourself.
Who is a complacent person? ›adjective. A complacent person is very pleased with themselves or feels that they do not need to do anything about a situation, even though the situation may be uncertain or dangerous.
Is complacent an insult? ›
This term is often used with a negative connotation. If you are going to call someone self-complacent, this means that you believe the person is self-satisfied and often self-righteous. This term could be considered offensive to some, so be careful before using it.
What is the opposite of being complacent? ›Opposite of showing smug or uncritical satisfaction with oneself or one's achievements. unsatisfied. dissatisfied. uncomplacent. humble.
What causes complacency in life? ›There are very real reasons we become complacent, comfortable and bored: Our brains are hardwired to keep us safe. Fear of failure or the fear of what other people think can propel us to stay complacent, comfortable and bored.
How can you tell if someone is complacent? ›Complacent people dismiss and minimize problems so they do not work consistently to address them. Complacent people may feel a false sense of security and satisfaction, grounded in an inaccurate self-evaluation.
How do I stop being complacent in life? ›- Start every day from scratch. Sustainable excellence is about getting better every day. ...
- Surround yourself with people who will tell you like it is. ...
- Focus on process instead of outcome. ...
- Continuously learn and adapt. ...
- Recharge the batteries.
' See, complacency isn't really laziness. Because laziness would require a conscious decision to be complacent. A person is lazy when they CHOOSE not to do something that they can do because they have an unwillingness to put in the effort.
What is an insipid person? ›insipid, vapid, flat, jejune, banal, inane mean devoid of qualities that make for spirit and character. insipid implies a lack of sufficient taste or savor to please or interest.
What is a complacent attitude? ›adjective. A complacent person is very pleased with themselves or feels that they do not need to do anything about a situation, even though the situation may be uncertain or dangerous.
What are 3 warning signs of an unhealthy relationship? ›- Control. One person makes all the decisions and tells the other what to do, what to wear, or who to spend time with. ...
- Dependence. ...
- Digital monitoring or “clocking”. ...
- Dishonesty. ...
- Disrespect. ...
- Hostility. ...
- Harassment. ...
- Intimidation.
- He gives his best. ...
- He constantly sends you messages. ...
- He has great memory. ...
- He wants to be committed. ...
- He is always there when things are not good. ...
- He makes plans to be with you. ...
- He never wants to leave you. ...
- He shares about his family.
What being in love feels like? ›
You bounce between exhilaration, euphoria, increased energy, sleeplessness, loss of appetite, trembling, a racing heart and accelerated breathing, as well as anxiety, panic and feelings of despair when your relationship suffers even the smallest setback.
What age are you most likely to meet your soulmate? ›And, according to the findings, the average age you'll find your partner varies from gender to gender. That's right – the research found that the average woman finds their life partner at the age of 25, while for men, they're more likely to find their soulmate at 28.
What are red flags in dating? ›General Dating Red Flags
Isolation: They only want to be with you, and while that might sound flattering, they also encourage you to cut ties with friends and family. Smothering: They constantly put you or others down, even if they mistakenly believe they're just kidding.
"A healthy relationship will allow both partners to thrive, learn and grow — both separately and together." If you're in love with your partner, then you'll never feel limited or held back from trying new things. However, if you're merely comfortable, then chances are you'll settle for routine over new opportunities.
What is the bare minimum in relationship? ›Essentially, the bare minimum is one step above nothing.
They put in minimum investment in the relationship and to their partner, while expecting you to do everything for them. They are only looking to use your good intentions to get the maximum benefits out of you.
Stonewalling is, well, what it sounds like. In a discussion or argument, the listener withdraws from the interaction, shutting down and closing themselves off from the speaker because they are feeling overwhelmed or physiologically flooded. Metaphorically speaking, they build a wall between them and their partner.
How do you know if you deserve better? ›- Your mate takes you for granted. You know what's worse than being taken for granted? ...
- You are not a priority. ...
- You feel like you're in the relationship by yourself. ...
- You've mentally checked out. ...
- Your last relationship was better.
Complacency in the work place is defined as being self satisfied and unaware of actual dangers and deficiencies. Comfortable can be defined as enjoying contentment and security.
What does it mean to be comfortable in life? ›In addition to describing things that feel good, like shoes that don't hurt your feet, comfortable can mean "feeling free from stress or worry." If you are comfortable around people, you can be yourself.
How do you know if your boyfriend is comfortable with you? ›“A clear sign that your partner is at ease with you is when he [or she] calls you to share with a minor detail in his [or her] day,” relationship coach and transformational speaker Sherica Matthews tells Bustle. When your partner calls just to say hello, or tell you something funny that just happened, that's key.
What causes complacency in life? ›
There are very real reasons we become complacent, comfortable and bored: Our brains are hardwired to keep us safe. Fear of failure or the fear of what other people think can propel us to stay complacent, comfortable and bored.
How can you tell if someone is complacent? ›Complacent people dismiss and minimize problems so they do not work consistently to address them. Complacent people may feel a false sense of security and satisfaction, grounded in an inaccurate self-evaluation.
How do I stop being complacent in life? ›- Start every day from scratch. Sustainable excellence is about getting better every day. ...
- Surround yourself with people who will tell you like it is. ...
- Focus on process instead of outcome. ...
- Continuously learn and adapt. ...
- Recharge the batteries.
People stay in their comfort zone to avoid feelings of anxiety or stress, and pain. Anything outside the comfort zone creates uncertainty, and uncertainty makes us feel anxious. Naturally, human beings are wired to avoid these feelings. This makes them reluctant to leave their comfort zone.
What's wrong with staying in your comfort zone? ›If you stay in a comfort zone too long, it can make you complacent. If you don't perform activities that somewhat scare or challenge you, you miss out on growth opportunities.
Is being comfortable a good thing? ›Having a strong sense of self is an area of life where comfort is a good thing because being comfortable with who you are and what you stand for is key to making good decisions about where you go in life and work.
What makes a man feel connected to a woman? ›In plain language: Men often feel most loved by the women in their lives when their partners hug them, kiss them, smile at them, and explicitly offer gratitude, praise, and words of affection. Men also feel loved and connected through sexuality, often to a greater degree than women do.
How do you tell if he's losing interest or just comfortable? ›- Phone calls and texts have steadily decreased. ...
- Quality time together has started to dwindle. ...
- Intimacy has become scarce. ...
- Things are becoming increasingly one-sided. ...
- He dodges questions about your status or where it is going.
Love evokes fond feelings and actions toward the other person, particularly. Attachment is driven by how you feel about yourself with the degree of permanence and safety someone gives you, based on your past relationships.